MANAGING OUR EMOTIONS
By Dr.Diane Kern
By Dr.Diane Kern
The Happy and Healthy U approach to managing negative
emotions is the A+ Approach.
Acknowledgement and
Awareness: Awareness of ourselves
and how we feel is a major step in being able to self-manage or self-regulate. Simply
ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” The sooner we are able to recognize that we
are experiencing negative emotions and therefore, distress, the easier it is to
change and manage such emotions. Treat your negative emotions as alarm
signals. The purpose of your distressing
emotions as alarm signals is to get your attention and alert you to the fact
that there is a problem address. Also, identify the things and situations that
tend to trigger your negative emotions.
Assessment: This
is the evaluation step, which has two parts.
Assess the basis or cause of the negative emotion by stopping
and asking yourself: “What is causing this negative emotion; does this emotion
makes sense in light of what happened; and is the intensity of the emotion is
in line with the severity of the issue?
Assess your attitude about your feeling. First of all, validate your feeling by giving
yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling. For instance, if your anger automatically
makes you feel guilty or embarrassed, you are likely to shut the feeling down
and become defensive in the face of it (i.e. deny it; project it; suppress it;
or detach from it, etc.). This will make
it far more difficult for you to manage your emotions, as it will interfere
with your ability to accurately assess and addressing them.
Addressing the Issue:
This is the problem solving stage. Here
is where you make a conscious choice about what you wish to feel, instead of
the negative emotion. Start with
considering ways to change your thinking about whatever is causing your distress.
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Utilize ways to physically calm down when you
are upset and distressed. This will
enable you to think clearly, make more efficient decisions and feel
better. Techniques such as deep
breathing,
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Focus on the present, rather than on the past or
future.
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Identify whether there is evidence to support
the thinking that generates the negative emotion. If not, change your erroneous thinking and
your emotion will follow.
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Find ways to think about the distressing
situation differently. For instance, refocus
on what might be a benefit, rather than a negative.
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Recall your previous successes around handling
and managing a similar feeling. Remind yourself that you can overcome the
distress and get to a better place.
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View yourself as having power in situation,
rather than the situation making you feel distressed.
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Allow yourself to be flexible, see your options
and change your mind and expectations in a way that helps you get unstuck.
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Recognize what you can vs. what you cannot
change; Exercise your power.
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Be assertive and stand up for yourself instead
of acting out or holding in your anger.
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Treat yourself well by being fair and
reasonable. Therefore, eliminate
negative self-criticism and self-blame.
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