Thursday, May 31, 2018

Displaying and Demonstrating Our TAGs (Talents, Abilities and Gifts)


What TAG are You Wearing?  What Does Your TAG Reflect About You?

A TAG is typically thought of as a label, which identifies, describes or provides information about the object, to which it is attached.  The term, "TAG", as it applies to a person's career life, specifically refers to one's talents, abilities and gifts.

Talents: 
One’s natural or intrinsic strengths; those things that come easy to a person.  Typically, talents become apparent when persons are encouraged to express them and provided with the opportunity to develop them.
Example: A parent might notice that their young child is especially good at drawing and reinforces the expression of that talent with positive praise and feedback.

What are your talents?  
  • Reflect on your talents by assessing your accomplishments and successes
  • Recognize what it is that you find particularly of interest and easy to do
  • Explore your talents by exposing yourself to different experiences

Abilities: 
Our abilities determine what we are capable of learning.  As a result, we acquire various skills, based on our abilities. 

 
Example: Persons, who have the ability to recognize and sound out letters typically learn to spell well.
Interaction of Talents & Abilities: During the course of developing reading and spelling skills, a person’s special talent for writing and creating poetry may become evident and get further developed.

Develop your abilities:
  • Take on new challenges
  • Learn new skills
  • Practice and strengthen abilities and skills
Gifts: 
These are our spiritually based callings for ways to manifest or share our talents and abilities. These are typically those talents and abilities that stand out and inform us of a special purpose or mission for which they serve.  This may be experienced as a calling.

Example: A person may recognize that in addition to one’s talent for singing well and that those related abilities have been well developed, they have a gift of imparting these skills to others and feel called to teach music.  

  • Express your gifts
  • Share your gifts in ways that are fulfilling
  • Utilize your gifts in various ways
 Recognize how our TAGs are significant to our career lives in determining a sense of direction, setting goals and achieving success.

Monday, April 30, 2018

Stop "Shoulding on Yourself"! Start Treating Yourself Well

"Shoulding" on oneself  is a form of thinking about oneself in harsh, unkind, unfair and judgmental ways. Below are three common manifestations of this type of self "shoulding". Also provided are strategies to  transform such thinking into healthy, self-loving, self-compassionate, reasonable and empowering attitudes.

I. Unhealthy, Negative or "Stinking Thinking": "I Should (do something)"
Do you attempt to motivate yourself to accomplish something by telling yourself about what you "should do" (or other obligatory and self-judgmental terms, such as "ought to", "got to", "must" and "need to", etc.)?  This for of thinking is self-critical and unkind toward self. Instead, it sets you up to fight internally because you hear yourself commanding yourself to perform. This places undue pressure on oneself and results in added stress.

I. Healthy, Self-Compassionate and Self-Loving: "I Want"
Instead, embrace and tell yourself what you "want" (or any form of desire). In other words, give yourself permission to aim for those things that will contribute to your satisfaction. Recognize that wanting (or any form of desire) is more likely to propel and mobilize us toward a goal.  It also promotes thinking that opens up the possibilities and inspires positive motivation and optimism. Allow yourself to feel deserving and capable of attaining your goals. Be okay with treating yourself well. It sets the standard for how you will allow others to treat you.

 II. Unhealthy, Negative or "Stinking Thinking": 'I should do (usually some form of work or unpleasant task) something other than enjoying myself in the moment "
Do you find yourself having difficulty relaxing; taking a break or enjoying free time and pleasant activities because you think and tell yourself that there is something else you "should" be doing?
This is a failure to be kind and reasonable toward oneself and one's well being.


II. Healthy, Self-Compassionate and Self-Loving: "I am doing something healthy and good for myself by taking a break or having fun. I am taking good care of myself"  

Recognize that it is your responsibility and right to take good care of yourself.  Research shows that taking breaks, engaging in relaxing and enjoyable activities, having fun and laughing contribute to reducing stress and increasing well-being. This enables us to have healthy balance in our lives and restores and re-energizes us to more effectively handle and cope with life's demands. So, tell yourself that relaxing empowers you to experience better health and feel good.



III. Unhealthy, Negative or "Stinking Thinking": "I Should Be Further Along in Life" or "I Should Be As Successful As My Peers (or any other persons, against whom you are comparing yourself)"
Do you beat yourself up because you have not yet attained the success or progress you wish and instead, focus on feeling that you "should" be much farther ahead; or worse yet, negatively compare yourself to others and think that you "should" be at least where they appear to be.

This is also a form of erroneous expectations and unfair treatment of oneself. In the first instance, the disappointment in oneself overshadows one's self-compassion and therefore interfere's with one's ability to capture progress and move ahead.  Comparing oneself negatively against someone else is a no-win attitude. We cannot live according to another's standard or walk in someone else's path. We can only be our best. So, refrain from using others as your measuring stick.  In both instances, feelings of depression and anxiety are likely that further interfere with one's ability to see and actualize one's best self.

III. Healthy, Self-Compassionate and Self-Loving: "I have made progress and can continue to strive toward the success I want."  

This healthy form of thinking enables one to recognize that they may already be on their path toward who they wish to become. It embraces the person's desires, dreams and the possibilities.  It is also important that one recognizes ways they have achieved progress  and are a lot closer to attaining and fulfilling one's dreams and aspirations than at some previous point in time. A self-compassionate attitude also embraces a healthy sense of our shortcomings (not being perfect) and that where it is appropriate to ask for help or tap into external resources. Validating one's own path and valuing oneself and well being enables one to be their best self.



Saturday, March 31, 2018

Living On and With Purpose


How to Live Intentionally

Decide and choose to be:

Happy 
     (a reasonable and manageable state of contentment)
Empathic 
     (considerate toward and able to relate to the feelings of others)
Truthful and Authentic
     (honest, transparent and open with self and others; behaving 
      with integrity)
Trustworthy
      (responsible, reliable, consistent, of  good character)
Mindful
     (present to the present; valuing and utilizing the moment)
Grateful
     (appreciative of and able to value good things in life)     
Loving
     (able to extend oneself toward and connect with others )
Achievement Oriented 
     (setting and working toward reasonable goals)
Empowered over one's circumstances
     (behaving and viewing self as able to overcome negative
       events and circumstances; problem solving attitudes)
Emotionally in touch, self-aware and in control
     (the ability to introspect, self-reflect, self-manage and act with
       integrity)
Healthy
     (valuing and nurturing one's well-being)
Optimistic
     (being hopeful and exercising faith in positive possibilities)
Proactive Instead of Reactive
     (being willing to dream, envision, plan, take initiative
       and actively aim toward one's aspirations)

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

What Happens To You Does Not Define You

What Happens To You Does Not Define You
Healthy Ways to Deal With Negative Circumstances and Events

You are not your circumstance
  • It is important to recognize that negative situations and circumstances are something we may experience.  We are in a negative situation; not of it.
  • Externalize negative situations, instead of internalizing a negative self-assessment         (punishing yourself; excessive guilt or shame; feeling unworthy; becoming depressed)

Recognize how you survived and may have even overcome a past negative situation.
  • Value your strengths and qualities that have enabled you to get through 
  • Give yourself credit for having healed and gotten to a better place

 Focus on ways to cope, get through and overcome a current negative situation
  • Adopt a problem solving attitude and seek possible solutions and resources
  • Recognize when a situation is temporary, so that you realize you will not get stuck
  • Aim for and look forward to what you wish to experience after the negative situation ends


Take back your power over the negative circumstance
  • See what lessons you might have or can learned
  • See the possible opportunities within and beyond the situation
  • Recognize or assign meaning for this occurrence in your life
Be Grateful
Appreciate ways that the situation did not destroy you
Focus on and value what you still have, in spite of the negative circumstance


Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Happy Valentine's Day: Redefined ! Celebrating Loving Self and Others


HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY: REDEFINED

Let's broaden the Valentine's Day concept to loving ourselves and others, no matter the nature of our relationships. Also, let's recognize it as a way to celebrate loving ourselves and others all year long.

It is essential to remember that giving and receiving healthy love starts with loving ourselves.  Here are some healthy-self love guidelines.



Healthy Self-Love
Self-Awareness
Knowing oneself
Positive Self-Worth / Priority
Valuing oneself and needs
Self-Respect /Integrity
Having consistent standards
and Healthy boundaries
Self-Acceptance /Authenticity
Embracing and being oneself
Feeling Capable
Recognizing talents & skills
Feeling Accomplished
Sense of competence
Feeling Secure
Trusting oneself
Feeling Empowered
Being in control of self and decisions
Being Responsible for Self
Good self-care

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Do's and Don'ts of Self-Confidence: How to Feel More Confident, Capable and Worthwhile

Feeling good about oneself is essential to being happy and successful in life. Below, in the "Do" column are strategies to achieve increased self-confidence, self-worth and  sense of capability.  In contrast, in the "Do Not" column are attitudes and practices that rob us of these positive and healthy feelings.


Do                                                                                                                   Do Not 

 
Compare Yourself Only With Yourself                                           Compare Yourself to Others
  • Challenge Yourself to Accomplish New Goals
  • Measure Your Progress Toward Your Goal
        
Give Yourself Credit for Your Achievements                                 Focus on Your Failures  
  • Feel Good About Your Accomplishments
  • Remind Yourself About Past Achievements

Recognize Your Talents, Skills and Abilities                                  Focus on What You Lack
  • See How They are Reflected in Your Performance
  • Value and Appreciate Your Positive Qualities 

Believe in and Trust Yourself                                                           Doubt Yourself
  • Remind Yourself of Experiences of Triumph                                   
  • Recognize How You Overcame Fear
  • See How You Worked Through Pain and Tragedies
  • Note Ways You Conquered Failure
  • Identify Times You Were Resilient and Persevered
  
Exercise a Positive and Optimistic Attitude                                   Practice Negative Thinking     
  • See the Possibilities
  • Focus on Your Abundance (vs. what you lack)
  • Exercise Faith, Hope and Determination
  • Practice an Attitude of Gratitude

Respect and Exercise Your Personal Power                                   Assign Your Power to 
                                                                                                             Others
  • See Yourself as In, not Of a Circumstance
  • Respect and Exercise Healthy Boundaries

Love Yourself                                                                                     Put Yourself Down
  • Treat Yourself Well
  • Accept Yourself With Your Assets and Flaws
  • Practice Healthy Self-Care
  • Engage in Things That Bring Joy and Fun



Sunday, December 31, 2017

Look Forward to the New Year: Moving Ahead




The Process of Progress
As 2017 ends and 2018 begins, it is a natural point in time to stop and reflect on what has occurred and what we hope will happen.  A great deal of emphasis is placed upon setting goals for 2018.  It is healthy and progressive to have an optimistic sense of direction.  However, many of us have grown weary of setting “resolutions” or goals that we either abandon or fail to fully accomplish.  This often breeds a vicious cycle of either setting unrealistic goals, that we are not likely to successfully meet or a chronic sense of trepidation, dread and doubt about the future.  

We are more likely to meet and feel optimistic about attaining goals that are based in reality. This enables us to set goals that we can believe in and see the likelihood of success.

One approach is to be present and mindful of the journey toward our goal.  In that way, we can understand that the goal is not accomplished overnight and we can maintain a positive attitude and the sustained activity (persistence) that will eventually result in goal attainment.  

1.    Recognize that Progress is a Process

  •   Setting realistic goals with identifiable steps are more likely to be achieved. Consider utilizing  the S.M.A.R.T. goal setting system is helpful
  • Specific; Measurable; Achievable; Realistic; Time Limited
  •  Patience with the process and with oneself is important
  •   Persistence is also essential; Don’t give up


2.       Stop and Take Stock of Your Progress: The closer you see yourself moving toward your goal, the easier it will be to sustain your energy and efforts

  •  Take note of and or measure the steps you have made thus far
  •   Create some method of keeping track of the steps you have already made
  •   Focus on what you have accomplished versus what you have not yet achieved to generate your  enthusiasm and positive attitude


3.        Recognize your role in your own progress.  This further empowers you

  •   See how certain attitudes have helped you work toward your goal
  •   Identify your actions, which have been instrumental in helping you achieve your goals
  •   Give yourself credit; Allow yourself to feel good and proud of your role in your achievements


4.       Call up your past history of successful goal attainment

  •  Allow this experience to remind you that you are able to achieve future goals
  •   Recognize what worked before that enabled you to be successful
  •  Allow yourself to learn lessons about the experience and yourself that can help with future goals.


5.       Get empowered around past failures and disappointments, instead of allowing them to conquer and hinder you from future success.  Welcome such experiences as opportunities to enable you to do better in the future.

  •  Heal from past failures or mistakes.  Remind yourself that you are human and that these experiences do not define you
  •   Learn from your past failures and mistakes. Identify what went wrong. Determine how you can do something differently or avoid or prevent the previous problem.
  •   Grow from your past failures and mistakes. Step out seize new opportunities. Aim toward your  new goals with a more confident, more informed and wiser sense of self.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!  Wishing you Health, Happiness and Prosperity.

Displaying and Demonstrating Our TAGs (Talents, Abilities and Gifts)

What TAG are You Wearing?   What Does Your TAG Reflect About You? A TAG is typically thought of as a label, which identifies, describ...