Happy & Healthy U: The Monthly Message

Setting Healthy Boundaries:  “No” is Not a Nasty Word by Diane Kern, Ph.D. Setting healthy boundaries with others is about being able to set appropriate limits, turn down unreasonable requests and refuse or reject reasonable expectations that will not work well for us. In many instances, it requires us to be able to say, "No" to others without feeling guilty or as though we are mistreating them.  Setting limits is a way to establish and protect our healthy boundaries by setting the parameters within which others may appropriately interact or engage with us. This is also the mechanism by which we determine the lines that distinguish the issues for which we or others are responsible. In other words, by setting healthy boundaries, we reinforce our self-respect, self-esteem and sense of personal power.  This also conveys to others the message that we expect to be treated well. Listed below are guidelines for what constitutes healthy vs. unhealthy boundaries. ...

Turn Off and Tune In:  Listen to Your Inner Voice Does it seem as though you never have enough time? Do you feel constantly rushed and under pressure? Do you end up being last on your own "to do" list? Does it feel as though time is passing you by? Do the electronic devices in your life seem to be in control of your time? If you answered, "yes" to any of the above questions, you are not in control of your schedule.  In fact, you have handed over your power to others and their demands or to things, that take up your time.  Therefore, it is not surprising that you feel like you can never catch up, let alone feel ahead of the curve.  In other words, you are living your life in a reactive mode, as opposed to being proactive.  This is a state in which your happiness, sense of accomplishment and potential are being diminished. There are ways you can change this state of dissatisfaction and disappointment and gain a sense of feeling in control, self-dete...

Identifying and Changing Fear or Anxiety Generating Thoughts and Perceptions Cognitive Distortions:  These are errors in thoughts, perceptions, expectations and attitudes that frequently result in either anxiety, irrational fear or depressed mood.  The list below represents such forms of thinking, which fall within the category of pessimistic or negative thinking and are not based in reality.  The good news is that we can change our thinking.  By recognizing when we are engaging in irrational and anxiety generating thinking, we can replace such thoughts with rational evidence and reality based thinking that will result in our feeling in control, calm, confident about ourselves and optimistic about situations. Distorted, Self-Defeating and Negative Forms of Thinking: All or Nothing or “Black and White” : Engaging in extremes in one’s perceptions. Example: “If I failed one course, I must be stupid or unable to handle college” Over Generalization :...

MAKING YOUR JOB OR CAREER WORK FOR YOU Awareness:Acknowledge Your Work Related Distress Are You Miserable at Work?   Do You Hate Your Job? Do You Dread Going To Work? While at Work, Are You Wishing You Were Someplace or   Anyplace Else?   Have You Lost Your Motivation and Drive to Succeed in Your Current Job?   Do You Want to Leave Your Job or Change Careers, but Feel Afraid to Do So?   Do You Want to Change Careers, but Feel Unsure About What Other Career to Pursue?   Are You Simply Feeling Stuck and In a Rut? Are You Feeling Stressed and Burned Out, Due to the Pressures of Work?   Are You Feeling Tired, Drained, Due to Work Occupying Too Much of Your Life? Assess: Determine the Nature and Source of the Problem What are the causes of your work/career distress? What obstacles are interfering with your career happiness?   Address: S...